I would do fine in a haunted house situation, and in this essay I comprehensively list the reasons why
The first and most obvious reason is that were I with a group, I would immediately betray them to the ghosts and win their trust. Calling over a walkie-talkie and saying something like “Hey buddy, Its me, please come down to the basement as I have found something valuable you would be very interested in!” would let the ghosts know that I am here to help them out. Distracting the others long enough to hide car keys or putting really old batteries in a flash light so it begins to flicker and create an atmosphere of terror would give me the opportunity to say out loud (to my former friends apparently to nobody, but in actuality to the ghosts) something like “Oh man, looks like those car keys are gone!” or “I was responsible for the lighting problems, this is all me!” If it was my job to make sure a door didn’t close, guess what — I’m going to make sure that door gets closed. Little gestures like this will let the ghosts know that I’m on their side.
One of the biggest advantages I would have in a haunted house situation is that, if killed I would immediately become a ghost myself. Ghosts would be able to know this, not from any “ghost sense” but because I have the intentional look of someone who has a lot of unfinished business. Why would they take the risk of being stuck with yet another ghost in an already crowded asylum or large manor? Imagine if you will, being trapped in a “Grudge” like situation. A spooky child rushes down the stairs and you turn only to be trapped by a hair ghost! Horrifying right? Now imagine that happened but also I’m there. You don’t even know me but you already instinctively know that the situation has gone from scary to just off-putting. This is not the vibe any haunted house wants and in every case they will let me go rather than risk this happening.
The ultimate trump card in a haunted house situation though is this: be a ghost yourself. Thats right, I’ve been dead the whole time and I bet you never even saw it coming. The classics still work baby!
