Local man unnaturally calm and collected about finding chest of pirate treasure
Authorities and experts alike are baffled after a local man, named Mark Randalazzo, found an honest to God chest of pirate treasure buried on his property and is weirdly calm about the whole thing. Archaeological experts from national museums who were brought in to verify the discovery all agree: it's kind of unsettling that this guy isn’t going nuts on finding a chest full of doubloons, gems and golden artifacts. “This would be the only thing I talk about for the rest of my life,” said Henry Bowler, celebrated professor and expert on the history of pirates. “A guy found a chest full of pirate treasure! This literally never happens; it looks like something out of a goddamn cartoon, and it seems like he isn’t even that happy about it.”
Mark, who discovered the astounding pile of priceless treasure while digging for a place to put in a new sprinkler said he was, and I am quoting him verbatim on this “Looking forward to getting back to finishing his yardwork.” His neighbors described him as a pretty normal guy but cannot get over his almost emotionless reaction to finding a chest of buried gold. “I am losing my mind over this and I just caught a single glimpse of that box of treasure!” exclaimed a neighbor who declined to be identified. “I am in shock! I saw him open that chest up and kind of shrug his shoulders about it. Who does that?”
When asked about how this staggering find, which undoubtedly represents one of the greatest stories in history as to how such a collection of riches ended up buried in what came to be his yard, he didn’t even really seem to care that much about it. “Yeah it’ll be neat to learn about it I guess.” the press was dumbfounded to hear him say. “Not really something I’m that interested in.” What? How has finding pirate treasure turned into an even more amazing story about what could have happened to someone in their life to make finding an enormous haul of historical significance not really that big a deal to them? This has shaken me to my core.
